Grief affects everyone differently, and there is no right way to feel or set timetable for feeling better. Practical support, talking to people you trust and looking after your basic needs all help. Free, confidential support is available from national charities such as Cruse Bereavement Support (0808 808 1677), and Samaritans can be called at any time of day or night on 116 123. If grief is making it hard to cope over a long period, talk to your GP.
What can grief feel like?
People describe grief in many different ways. You might feel:
- shock or numbness, especially in the first days and weeks
- deep sadness, longing and tearfulness that comes and goes in waves
- anger, guilt or regret, even when there was nothing you could have done
- relief, particularly after a long illness, and then guilt about feeling relieved
- tired, unable to concentrate, or unable to sleep or eat properly
All of these are normal. Grief does not move neatly through stages. Many people find that the hardest time comes weeks or months later, when the funeral is over and others have gone back to their lives. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be especially hard.
How can you look after yourself?
- Try to eat regular meals, drink water and get outside each day, even briefly.
- Accept practical help with shopping, cooking or paperwork. People often want to help and do not know how.
- Talk about the person who has died, and about how you feel, with someone you trust.
- Put off big decisions, such as moving house, for a while if you can.
- Be careful with alcohol. It can make low moods and poor sleep worse.
When should you talk to a GP?
See your GP if, after some months, grief is stopping you from getting through the day, sleeping or eating, or if you feel hopeless or numb most of the time. Your GP can talk things through and refer you to counselling or other support. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, or feel you cannot go on, call Samaritans on 116 123, call NHS 111, or in an emergency call 999.
How can you support a grieving child?
Children grieve too, though they may show it in short bursts, through play or through changes in behaviour. Use clear, simple words such as “died” rather than “lost” or “gone to sleep”, answer questions honestly, and let them be involved in the funeral if they want to be. Keep to normal routines where you can, and tell their school or nursery what has happened.
Child Bereavement UK and Winston’s Wish have advice for parents and carers and helplines you can call.
Where can you get support?
| Organisation | Who it helps | How to contact |
|---|---|---|
| Cruse Bereavement Support | Anyone who has been bereaved | Helpline 0808 808 1677, plus webchat and local support |
| Samaritans | Anyone who is struggling to cope, at any time | 116 123, free, 24 hours a day |
| AtaLoss | Anyone looking for local bereavement services | Online directory of support across the UK |
| Child Bereavement UK | Families when a child is bereaved or when a child dies | Helpline 0800 02 888 40 |
| Winston’s Wish | Children and young people who are grieving | Helpline 08088 020 021 |
| The Compassionate Friends | Parents and families after the death of a child of any age | Helpline 0345 123 2304 |
| Sands | Anyone affected by the death of a baby, before, during or after birth | Helpline 0808 164 3332 |
| Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide | Adults bereaved by suicide | Helpline 0300 111 5065 |
| WAY Widowed and Young | People widowed aged 50 or under | Peer support network, online and local groups |
| Marie Curie | Anyone affected by terminal illness or bereavement | Support line 0800 090 2309 |
| Coroners’ Courts Support Service | Families going through an inquest in England and Wales | Helpline 0300 111 2141 |
Many hospices offer bereavement support to families, including people whose relative was not cared for by the hospice. Faith communities, GP surgeries and local councils can also point you to groups near you.
What time off work can you take?
There is no general legal right to paid compassionate leave after a death. Most employers offer some, so check your contract or staff handbook and talk to your manager. All employees have the right to a reasonable amount of unpaid time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant, which includes making arrangements after a dependant dies.
Parents who lose a child under 18, or who have a stillbirth after 24 weeks of pregnancy, can take up to two weeks of Parental Bereavement Leave. They may also qualify for Statutory Parental Bereavement Pay. Different rules apply to employees in Northern Ireland. GOV.UK explains who qualifies and how much is paid.
When you are ready to deal with practical matters, our guide on what to do when someone dies sets out the steps in order.
Frequently asked questions
Who can I talk to about grief?
Cruse Bereavement Support runs a free helpline on 0808 808 1677 and offers local support. If you are struggling to cope at any time of day or night, call Samaritans free on 116 123. Your GP can also talk things through and refer you to counselling. Specialist charities support people bereaved by suicide, and parents who have lost a child.
How long does grief last?
There is no set timetable. Grief often comes in waves that become less frequent over time, but birthdays, anniversaries and other reminders can bring strong feelings back years later. If, after some months, grief is stopping you from coping with daily life, talk to your GP or a bereavement service.
Am I entitled to bereavement leave from work?
There is no general legal right to paid compassionate leave, but most employers offer some. Every employee can take reasonable unpaid time off to deal with arrangements after a dependant dies. Parents who lose a child under 18, or have a stillbirth after 24 weeks, can take up to two weeks of Parental Bereavement Leave.
How do I explain a death to a child?
Use clear, simple words such as "died" rather than "lost" or "gone to sleep", which can confuse children. Answer their questions honestly, let them show feelings in their own way, and keep normal routines where you can. Child Bereavement UK and Winston's Wish have helplines and guidance for parents and carers.